Send Your Replies to Empty Now, who lost a dear friend. Her Insiders don't accept it.


Dear Empty Now,
This is a very tough question, but one many people are forced (unwillingly) to face. My personal response would be to keep slowly talking to your Insiders, bringing them to the reality of your painful loss. Your particular spiritual beliefs may help with this. However, I've found by communicating with many people who have "Insiders" that different Insiders often have different spiritual beliefs! This makes the process much more complicated than simple (never simple) grieving. Somehow it will become necessary for the strongest part of you, who may accept that this beloved person is gone forever from daily physical contact, to reach the spiritual sense of all the parts within you, and speak to those parts in their own terms of acceptance. Avoid internal arguments if possible. Cry if you (or they) need to. Make a collage of photos that include this loving person--and perhaps allow different Insiders to select his/her favorite photo. And please take it slowly.

When I lost my beloved Ray--I found that different 'sides' of myself look on the problem (which still exists, tho he died more than a year ago)--in very different ways. I "let" these parts have "their ways" of viewing his absence.
Some believe we will meet again. Others don't -- or at least,not in a form that we here still on the planet would recognize. And it gets more complex as time goes by, for me. It does not get less complex. But I am determined to carry out my role here, while I live, and not to spend vast hours in mourning what I cannot "fix". I had and have zero control over his death. So I make every effort to steer my life toward activities I CAN control or change. And I try hard to be kind to both myself (all of myself, inside and this Body) and also to those who are outside me, with different bodies.

There is no easy solution to this problem. At least, I haven't found one yet. But functioning toward health keeps me moving, active, and focused on something besides my deep sense of loss. That is the most positive statement I can make about your perplexing problem.
Love and blessings,

Lynn W.