Send Your Replies to Brenda


Dear Brenda,
I've been in some form of treatment, whether professional, medicine, or self-help, for nearly 15 years now. we've just very recently discovered (or re-discovered) that we are MPD/DID. that realization has helped us make tremendous leaps forward in our daily-coping with the hassles of regular life. we have a long way to go in the healing process however. i look at healing as a journey, one that will likely last my whole life. i've found that improvements tend to have a snowball effect- so if you can get just one tiny area of your daily life to go better, that will naturally lend itself to the next tiny part getting better a bit more easily and faster than the first bit. One example would be to start by laying out your clothes for tomorrow the night before. But if you are anything like me,  you'd be too tired at the end of the day to do that. so I started at the beginning. i decided on one thing that i would do every single morning when i woke up. and i did that one thing every single morning for a month, then i added another thing to do right after that and did both things for about a month. a few months later i was adding items to do at a slightly faster pace, and my morning routine was starting to shape up into something that i didn't dread... it was and still is a long process- 2 years later i am up to 1pm before my day begins to fall apart. take it easy on yourself and don't try to push the speed of your progress. take baby steps and nurture yourself along the way with positive thoughts. you are not doing anything wrong.

peace and light on your journey




I just read your question and don’t know if you are still looking for answers or not, but I was in therapy for 13 years and was not able to complete my healing. I work alone, with the help of MV, readings, and the wonderful tools my therapist left me with. One of the reasons my healing is taking so long is because my day-to-day life was not good either, and sometimes we just had to stop and take time to put out the fires of my present life. Healing the past cannot happen when the present is in turmoil (at least it doesn’t in my case) and as we all know…life happens and we have to deal with it. Give yourself a break and be proud of yourself for the hard work you are doing. Healing is a journey…not a daytrip with exact mileage and an itinerary.



I agree with Michael in thinking one can't really be healed as quickly as 2 years. To me that sounds as if that person got the
concept of how to heal in his/her head, and understood it, but didn't do all the emotional work needed.

Please be kind to yourself! We burn up so much negative energy beating up on ourselves, that we could be using to heal. I sure
understand your impatience as I was the queen of impatience when I was going through my 10 year therapy.

Journaling is a great release, as making collages. Just got through magazines and cut out words, phrases, pictures that appeal to you at
that moment.
Then you can show them to your therapist and discuss them. For me, anything artistic was what saved me as I went through the integration

You hang in there! We know what you are going through and support you on your healing journey....and remember....





Everybody heals at their own pace. Everybody had different experiences that affect them differently. Personally I spent six years in therapy and was working very fast. When you consider how many years we all spent getting this way it's understandable that it would take a while to change it. As a team you can only go as fast as the slowest member. You don't want to leave anyone behind so be patient with all of yourselves. Anything you don't thoroughly deal with now can come back and need to be dealt with later. One step at a time. You'll get there.



Hi Brenda,

All of the responses I read had good ideas. journaling jumped out at me because it helped me more than anything. Talking to your Therapist about a plan helped me too. It gave me goals to strive for. Just remember not to beat yourself up if you don't meet a goal you set for yourself. Sometimes in therapy you can feel like you are just floundering when there are no goals or plan set up between you and your Therapist.
It does sound like you are working very hard and I think that's great! Maybe an outlet like volunteering for something might help. It helped me and still does. Changing the way you do some things in your life is good advice as well.

I wish you the best Brenda.

Warm Regards,
Mary G.




A word of caution. Some experience a feeling of being healed and then reenter therapy. Ask me how I know. Been there done that. Funny, seems disappearing to England is not being healed. I am not saying that happened with this person who was healed in two years. Just it is a possibility. Also the disappearing to England was part of my healing.

It is so hard to know if one is headed in the right direction. At best I can trust my instincts; if I am not satisfied with the way things are going than that is an indication there may can be a need for change or I might be scared.

I have found in 7 years of appropriate therapy that often there is very hard work being done of which I am not aware. And there is a reason for what happened of which I am not aware. As an example I just got a bill for a new radiator for my car. No clue. I did not remember it at all. I started to go with "What did I do wrong? How could that possibly happen?" etc. I stopped for a bit and realized that when the mechanic called to tell me I needed a new radiator it was not what was important at the time.

I do not slip into the "Oh I was traumatized so anything that happens is OK and not my fault" It's more like giving myself a break and knowing this is hard hard work. If it was not, I would have done it by myself long ago.

You wrote "What am I doing wrong?" That to me shows you are working very hard. If you had written asking how can you get others to do what is needed I would not have replied. You want to know what you can do. Good Effort.

I agree that behaviors have to be changed. As a multiple I can can make behavioral changes and limit the effect, I can run every day and not be present. I find it hard that a positive behavioral change if I stay present does not have the typical effect. I started to go swimming and it caused me to be aware of all sorts of things that were hard to deal with. I go with that it is just the way it is, that it is positive that I deal with what I need to deal with. I accept that my past makes things harder as best I can. Most importantly I accept it does not have to stay the same. Change can happen.

Sorry you have to do this work and sorry it is so hard.



Dear Brenda,

I think Lynn's advice is excellent. I agree with everything she says.  
For me, changing things around made things go faster. I changed 



Hi Brenda,

Don't be so hard on yourself. Different people have different recovery experiences. If you are dissatisfied with your progress, have you discussed this openly with your therapist? Could the two of you develop a plan of action, with specific goals and time frames to work toward? Do you work outside your therapy sessions, on projects to improve internal communication? I found journaling to be a huge help for me, in understanding myself and in finding out what I could do to make my life flow more easily.

Also, it helped me a lot to recognize that I couldn't keep doing things the same old way and expect to see changes. A behavior change was essential for me to make progress.

Good luck!

Lynn W.