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Hi My Turn,

I’m so sorry for the pain that has made you so angry. What you wrote reminded me how ill tempered and explosively angry I became ( even though I’m a Christian), for my first two years of therapy. I was having memories of abuse and flashbacks and flashback dreams or dreams like nightmares of the terror I lived with as a child. (I’m 58 now) The Lord knew how much anger I had stuffed. I was even experiencing anger at God for things really the devil had done. I had about 50 people to forgive. Only one of my past multiple molesters was alive, but he sure did hear from me. These letters I wrote to him were full of hate and anger until the 3rd or 4th letter. Then I was finally over how angry I was at him and how what he did affected me as a child. I really felt great accomplishment in dealing with my anger and my fear towards him. It finally left a bit at a time after 3 or 4 months as I would write about my feelings and talk to my therapist about it. God also took my fear away for him after studying Psalm 91.

I journaled a lot and recorded my feelings on tape like others do trying to get in touch with why I was so angry. I stayed pretty angry most of two years as there was so much bitterness and hate I had to let go of. I was terrified my brother-in-law was going to get the letter and then come after me to kill me like he used to threaten me. I lost my license driving under the influence when mailing a letter to my molester from out of town. I probably would have been better off if I had written dead letters, Ha! After 3 years now I have finally worked through a lot of anger and bitterness , and I found that forgiving was my only way out of the anger. I hardly blow up at all now compared to then.

I beat on my bed and pillows pretending it was his face I was beating . My hurt wasn't caused overnight and the anger didn’t go away overnight either. I just had to work through the anger a day at a time. It does pass --at least it did for me-- will the goal being forgiveness for me. I have a lot of good days now and things just don’t bother me so easily anymore because I’m not on the verge of wanting to commit homicide or suicide every day anymore.

I hope this helps in some way. Be kind to yourself My Turn.

Judy H.


Hi, MyTurn,

I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now. It might be helpful to find out who is angry and why. Is it the System Protector mad about an unresolved issue? Perhaps a Little being scared? (Fear and anger are very closely related, as you know.) It has been useful for me to leave a spiral notebook and pen out on the table so that anyone who wants to can write whatever they feel.

As much as it annoys me when my T says it, let me remind you: This too shall pass! You've gotten through worse. I think you made a good start by posting your question.

It's said that depression is anger turned inward, which sounds like a crock of platitude to me, but I have to wonder if you are being diligent with your meds. I've found that my subliminal CDs, especially Waves of Inner Healing, are particularly helpful; I play that one when I go to bed at night and keep it on a repeating loop. Also remember that the change of season and shortening days can have a negative effect on our feelings, and get as much light into your routine as you can.

Best wishes for continued healing!

~Kate Thompson


Dear MyTurn

Concerning anger. I used to tear up newspapers. Just shred them with my hands and let them go where ever they land without regard to where, all the time swearing or cussing or telling whoever it is who hurt me, how it makes me feel now or then. The only trouble with that is you have to clean it all up..However, it really works and hurts no one, not even a kitty! In fact, they love to play in it after. :) It's a great release. There are times in the past when I have done that and tape recorded what I was saying as sometimes different parts of me come out and I am unaware of how they are feeling, so I get to listen later!

I will color in a coloring book or on plain paper..any old way I want and get my anger out that way and then the "little ones" do their thing , no supervision. Sometimes I will just water color fast and furious until I get to the bottom of what it is bugging me.

I recently had a pastor tell me, "she will control me...." I retorted on the phone to her exactly how that made me feel and that she most certiantly would not tell me what to do or control me or tell me how or who to talk to. Man that felt good!! Silience on the other end but she didn't hang up. Have recently written her a letter and really gave her Hell for what she did to me and how she made me feel and sent a copy to my therapist. He and I have talked it over and are in the process of processing the feelings this has brought up for me...

Cooking is great for me, also. Pounding the bread dough, biscuit dough and cutting it out and making cookies or brownies. YUM!! I way over eat though, and that is a problem for me but it sure feels good to create good fun foods and yummy. Sometimes even healthy, like the pork roast I just made and shared with a couple poor frineds and a homemade corn chowder I made. Homemade apple sauce and the process of cutting away the bad bruises or core or skins is great for making me feel better. Then the process of cooking and the smell makes me feel good and I can feel like I am worth something after all. Cutting up the veggies and just the process of doing something I am really good at and comes out good and I can see how good it is, is very carthartic for me. Cutting squash and peeling and cooking and mashing it is great for me, when I am I am right now and have been all week with the/ my issue of the pastor stuff!! Cooking it perfect and delicious and seeing other's faces or just hearing the comments made to me about the food is great for my self esteem.

I used to tape record a lot of my feelings and then listen later when I am calmer. That helped a lot. Writing helps some but not as much as verbally getting it out, as I can't write fast enough to get it all out and we all get frustrated and angrier sometimes.

Remember, the anger is just emotions and feelings. We don't have to act on the feelings. Just get them out and then see where we go from there and what happens. I'm working on it right now, as I am pissed with that pastor and I am done with her and told her so and the so called congregation. Backbiting and liars. Don't need it. I really told her off on phone and in letter.

Ironing also is a great outlet for me. You'd be amazed how nice things look and come out. Great way to get angar out and to get curtians hung and clothes ironed that make you feel so much better in the end. Just be careful with the iron not to burn yourself or to let the little ones out, unless you are in control. Guess that 's it for now.

Cynthia Shaw practices counseling in Centerville, Ohio.

Address & Contact Information:
180 East Spring Valley Pike Suite B
Centerville, OH 45458


Hi MyTurn,
Oh yeah, I sure do know about anger...especially since I've been in seems that this time of life demands that we deal with all of our emotions, especially those we try to keep suppressed.  Like Lynn, I find writing in my journal to be the most effective way to deal when I start seeing "red".  I usually notice my handwriting turning from a calm cursive to an enraged, angry, bold, upper case print while I'm writing....something like, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT B@#$%%!  THAT SON OF A @#$%%%".  Many times, I'll leave my journal out on the bed and my sons will come in and see it and remark, "Oh, I guess you had an angry morning."  Now, both of them keep a daily journal as well, letting their emotions run wild across the pages.  I think writing in a journal is the most important thing we can do when we're angry as it helps us to discover what is at the bottom of that "sea of red".  In doing this, we realize we're not getting angry over nothing but that there is a real reason for the anger, something we haven't dealt with that, once we've expressed it in writing, will often subside. 

I've also had a lot of success with walking.  When I'm having a particularly difficult time with my anger, I'll often make sounds when I walk, usually sounds I've used in some of my movement therapy classes.  I've found "SA" to work really well... every time my right foot hits the pavement, I'll say, "SA"  Somehow, after doing this for a mile or so, I usually feel the energy start to pass.  It's important to remember that our emotions are just that- E-nergy that is in Motion...E-Motion and our anger is just as valid an emotion as our joy and our sadness...what's important is what we do with it.  I've also tried making ridiculous faces in the mirror, turning my mouth into all sorts of grimaces, showing my teeth and making some sort of growling noises.

I wish you all the best in your efforts to direct this great storehouse of energy into activities that may help you to better understand yourself... some of which may even make you laugh!
Lynda Wisdo     



Hi there, My Turn,

I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten. One of the things I've noticed in my long, LONG journey of recovery is that feeling rotten, or ridiculously angry, happens sometimes. Completely "out of the blue." For me, it can even happen after a very GOOD day. Sometimes it's easy to see why but othertimes, I don't know why I feel angry, I just DO.

My guess for me (it could be different for you) is that I get very angry feelings when I believe I've "lost control" - of myself, my finances, my friends, my health, you name it. So for me...the first thing I try to do when I feel this outrageous anger boiling up and over is to take control of something, even something very minor. For example, I'll open a journal and write. I'll watch a funny DVD. I'll go for a walk (that almost always helps). I'll do something small but nice for myself--like take a bath, or smooth on body lotion. In other words, I will take the initiative to do something--anything--that feels positive and good. The initiative shows me that *I* do have some control, even if everything around me seems to be going to hell. (And believe me, sometimes that's exactly how it feels.)

Now, I live alone.So there is no one close by to yell at (except my cats).Which maybe is a good thing. I am not likely to hurt anyone physically when I'm angry, and I am very unlikely to get on the phone and call up someone to say nasty things. I think I'm lucky in this. If someone lived with me, when I feel this upset, I might say things out loud that I would later regret saying. Writing nasty stuff in my journal does the trick for me. I will be interested to hear the responses of others who DO live with friends or family--and how they deal with anger that bubbles up from all those feelings we've been carrying around for so many years.

Anyway- I hope the idea of a walk or exercise or journaling or drawing out your feelings helps you calm down. And maybe it also will help you to know that many of us struggle with anger and have to work at finding ways to channel it constructively.

Good luck to you!

Lynn W.