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Hi N.:

I hope you have found some relief by now on things that bother you. I don' t always read these comments or articles. It depends on how I am feeling at the time and then I forget and don't go back.

As far as MV goes, I've written to and shared with them for a good many years. I believe it is their goal NOT to dwell on the bad stuff so much but try to focus on positive things and how to get better. So it may sound to some of us that we SHOULD be all better, if others are better. But we all go at our own pace. I believe hearing or reading about all the bad stuff others' had had ot endure woule trigger bad things for us/me and would be too much for some of us, as many of us have our own krap and it is horrid. This gives us rescoures and a way to discuss things and professionals sometimes write and help clearify things for us.

Everyone's journey is very different. I have DID, though I questioned it for years, until I cleaned out my aunt's barn of all my parents' belongings. There I found all the evidence I ever needed and more, to tell me that all the things I had already told my therapist were absoultely true. NO questions after that. That process brought up many other issues as well, as it was like I was back there in that home at 4 and up and stuff happened. I question it no more. And then came my aunts' admission!

We, as multiples, do not and never do-in my opinion- make up these horrific stories we tell our therapist or write about. It is too terryfing and too bazare to even dream up. Why would anyone make up such stories if not true? To me, it seems like the questioning is a sign that we can't hardle/ believe it and wish it was not so, but it is. Our multiples question things as they don't want anyone to know-protection of the main person-you/ us!

Triggers are all around us. We can't control it much, lke someone we meet in a store who looks like an abuser for instance but when it happens we can control our responses more. Especially if the person is dead. Just the other day I told my therapist that so and so was --------- . Therapist said, "oh, he -------is still living?" I looked at my therapist and said, "oops, that was a psychological slip, wasn't it?" And we laughed and then talked bout it for an hour. But that is how strong our feelings can be at times. And in my head I hate him, the abuser, so much, I can't stand to see him around. We realize in time that we can control the responses but it does take time and some things may always trigger us.

Again , sorry I did not look at this before but hope you're doing better on this now. Take your own pace and never mind anyone elses'.



Dear N,

I too doubted my diagnosis. As a matter of fact, I told my therapist a number of times that I had lied to her and I was not really a multiple at all. She would take my admission seriously but remind me that all of the signs were there, and she suggested I was feeling afraid of what was happening to me. I was considered a liar my entire life (as many of us are) so confessing to a lie was not unusual for me. I was usually at a place where I could not face what I was learning about myself. My doubts receded as the therapy progressed and I progressed. This therapy would not work if the diagnosis was not correct. This is a scary diagnosis and we would be crazy (sorry, but I have no better word) to not wish it to be untrue. Hang in there N. You are not alone, and there are many of us who have many similarities to each other even though we have never met.



Dear N.

You can heal. I was diagnosed in 1991 with MPD/DID. My progress felt very slow, and often like I wasn't making any progress at all. But I was. In July 2008, after 10 years of integrations, my final integrations took place. I was healed of MPD/DID. So, healing is definitely possible.
I did have alot of times of doubting my diagnosis over the years. But I also had personalities that knew nothing about the diagnosis or of the other personalities. They were really confused by everything and totally doubted the diagnosis. All they knew about was themselves.
Even today, I am still triggered by things and get lost in flashbacks. I am working on trying to stop the flashback and sometimes I can, now.
Hope this helps.

Debbie E.


Dear N,

When I'm triggered, I sometimes go right along with it and have a flashback. I don't recommend that, but it does happen. I work on becoming aware of the feeling and then tolerating it. I go inside to my healing pool and breath deeply and allow the God within (Jesus) to wash away the feeling.

Regarding my diagnosis, I doubted it from the beginning. So, I just went along with my therapist to see what would happen. I told her that I have no control over what I say. It comes out of me so it is from me. I'm not "making it up," but I don't own it either. She would ask me "How is the therapy working?" Well, I went from not being able to hold a job to part-time work. I got off of all psychotropic meds. I had to admit it was working. So she told me that either I had DID or I was mentally sick, and in either case, GOD still loves me. Presently, I'm working full-time. I am sober in AA and abstinent in OA. I have found the God within.

When I think I don't have DID, I actually dissociate from my parts. They don't like that. Eventually they show themselves.So, I find it better to accept the truth of DID.

One more thing. I've had many parts and I've had many integrations. The integrations also prove that I have DID. After each one I feel so much more whole. Before DID I felt like a shell.

I've never worked harder and I've never felt better.




I sometimes intellectually question the DX. You see I have alters that are not multiple. Smile.

Sometimes it is best to only know intellectually I am multiple and have experienced trauma. I did a sculpture of a sun out of brass paper clips in my therapist office. I can’t do that. So I use this as an intellectual “check” to know I am multiple. I think it is natural and helpful to intellectually question. Although I can get lost in the thinking, which can get in the way of the work. Sometimes that is how I take a break from the work.

For me the feeling like I am going slow is so hard. I feel that is much about the post traumatic stress. I am used to operating on adrenaline and such. Not so good with this work. Much of the challenge for me is to go slow. I seem to heal faster the slower I go. Most maddening.

I do not avoid triggers completely. Nor do I look for them. For me a trigger is caused by something not yet processed and can be used as a way to have a complete memory of my life and by doing so have my complete life. That being said, it is not easy when I have all I can handle and a trigger comes out of nowhere. I call that being blindsided. As I have more of my memory I have less things that can trigger me.

Getting better is subjective at best for me. I go with I am doing what is best for now. I think in terms of change and growth. The doing better for me felt like blame. as if I was not doing well/good before. What I needed was an easier task and in effect that is what therapy is for me. To break down the work I had to do where it could be handled. Not what I could handle that would be blame. This is hard work for anyone.

I do not like the feeling that I sometimes get that I am doing well just so I can do worse. For me it was a necessary part of healing.

Journey on,




Hi N.

While I was in therapy for just a short period, my therapist thought it best to stay away from MV.  She thought it might confuse me and make me doubt what I was working on in therapy.
The response you had before this one said to put aside MV for when you are at peace within yourself.  Also, finding your triggers is not always a bad thing.  I don't know what support you have regarding your DID, but sharing your triggers with them is a good thing.  After I was incorporated I learned my triggers and it helped me so much.  It helped me not to react in the same old way I did act.
I'm sure your therapist knows what he or she is doing with you and gave you a correct diagnosis.  I knew for sure I was DID.  The experience is different for everyone.  Maybe when you read MV you read about someone else's experiences and it's different from yours.  Something made you get therapy and you will get well if you keep going to therapy.
Did you tell your therapist about these doubts and the questions you have?  I think it would be a good idea to do so.  It's important to share these things with you therapist.  I found I kept no secrets from my therapist because she was always able to answer any questions or explain away any doubts I had.
My therapist was great and as I said earlier I had no doubts and was elated to have a diagnosis after so many years.  When I was incorporated I was on a high!  I met my alters during this process and found the rage inside of me was gone.
Stick with therapy and talk these things over with your therapist.  I promise you will get answers that will ease your mind.

Mary G


Hi N,

My first suggestion if you are feeling triggered by MV or anything else is to put it aside and save it for a time when you feel like looking at it again. There is no rush or reason to read it all at once. Also, I think you should talk about your feelings about MV with your therapist. Maybe take the issue into therapy and show him or her where you were reading when you started to feel bad. You might also want to journal all about the different ways you feel about reading it. Be sure to put down all the bad feelings, or angry feelings, and if there are positive feelings, write those down too. Getting all your feelings out may be helpful.

Also, if you are ever bothered by something in particular in MV, please email or write to me, and let me know. We try not to trigger people, but sometimes it happens. If it happens, believe me, we are sorry! We want to help people feel better, not worse. But if you feel's important to manage that in a way that works for you. Even if it means not reading MV for awhile.

I hope you feel better soon, and I hope you get lots of responses to this important question, too.

Lynn W.