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Hi Donna.

I know I can relate to what you were talking about. My final integrations happened July '08. I felt a huge empty feeling. My personalities had lived life for me since I was three, and then suddenly here I was. I went from age three to age 51 in an instant. I didn't know who I was. I'm still really uncomfortable around people. I go to church again, now. I started going to a Celebrate Recovery group at church, to help heal from the abus I grew up with, and to get used to being around people. I tried going to a women's group at church, but there were too many people for me that I had to talk to. So, I just do it at my own pace. I nudge myself somewhat. But I don't push too hard, because it just doesn't work for me.
There are still times now where I feel very empty, but it is getting better. I've been finding things I like to do. I've just discovered Twitter, at a friend's encouragement to do so. It feels like a safe way for me to connect with people and not have to say anything or not say much. Yet I still feel connected. If I'm having an "empty time" I will often go to Twitter and that helps. I have slowly started reaching out to more people and trying to make more friends, where I live. So far, the safest way for me to do that, has been through church. The more people I fill my life with, the less empty I feel. Hope this helps.

Take care.
Debbie E.



When I began the journey towards healing I felt completely lost.  Everything seemed upside down.  I have been working at my issues feverishly.  I have a ways to go yet, but the greatest thing I have done for myself is to get a puppy.  A huge responsibility, that at first I regretted because it required too much attention. 

However as I have spent the last two years entertaining and caring for my varmints, (I doubled up--God help me), I have found a comfort and truthfully a purpose in living again.  I feel like my pups brought meaning back to my life.  They put me back in the mainstream of human contact thru walks and conversations in the parks and sharing puppy shenanigans with other animal lovers. 

I never had any children and am very isolated otherwise, so they have been a challenge to me to live again.  I can't look into those dark little eyes full of earnest and not melt.  I have committed to daily walks of at least 45 minutes and usually its longer, just to get out of my dank cellar of self and connect with God in nature and people I otherwise would never know.  Some people may think its sad to have my dogs' happiness as a purpose, but I have benefitted greatly by having them to focus on.  They have saved me emotionally and quelled a major void of loneliness.  They are my babies and having them to love is a true purpose.




You have the same feelings many of us go through.  Once the chaos stops there seems to be this very large void inside of us.  After working through all the stuff we need to for me it was a great let down because I still don't know what I want to be when "I" grow up.  I'm very afraid of even doing face to face real world volunteer work so You are ahead of me on that one. 

What I have found rewarding and that fills that void is being in online groups and sharing what I have learned.  It gives some purpose for lack of a better word right now to the life I had.  Since you are on the computer you can check out one of my groups  and talk to others who have been and many still are where you are today.  There are many groups out here on the web that fill that void inside.  Sharing your life with others who feel very lonely also. 

 Your age is not important.  I have a woman who is a member of two groups I have and she shares in the Echoes of Courage journal.  She is in her sixty's also and I am honored to have her because she is going through most of the hard stuff in her life now.  She says better late then never.  She is a voice of courage that rarely women your age would bother with.  I'm glad that you are out here looking for more answers.  We don't have them all but it sure is great to know that you can voice your feelings and everyone will understand you.  Lady J